Porpoise driven
December 13, 2008
1
29
October 16, 2008
Today is my 29th birthday and I feel great! Well, I AM sore from the first bike ride in over a year that I took yesterday. Other than that I feel peachy. I have a quiz today, but I am thinking my chemistry professor will give me an A since it is my birthday. ha.
So far, I have gotten an iPod Touch for my birthday. I haven’t had as much free time to play with it since I got it last friday because I have been incredibly busy this semester. It is impossible to understand how I can be this busy with only 8 hours. I have “Intro” to Organic and Biochemistry and Anatomy & Physiology II with both their labs. Holy crap! It is hard stuff. I quote the word “intro” because I am not sure my professor knows that word is in there. I think it is funny because he has the same problem with his job that I have with mine. He knows the material so well, he doesn’t understand how we don’t get it. I feel the same way about 2nd graders who don’t understand Germ Theory. I guess I expect them to pop out of the womb brilliant like I did. he he
Well, I have to read up for my chemistry quiz.
Two steps forward, yada yada
March 31, 2008
If you would have asked me 24 hours ago, how I am adjusting to the switch to Georgia, I would have given you a very affirmative answer. I would have spoken in a tone of pride for my incredible accomplishment of progressing from feeling as though driving down the street to get a Dr. Pepper during the day was incredibly brave of me to feeling like a rather good contributing member of society in most ways.
I have really made incredible strides. I don’t cry daily about being so far from home, I can get the Dr. Pepper and beyond, and I have goals. I mean real goals. I am going to school to go into nursing and it feels so right. This is not the cop out, I have been doing for so many years of my life as I try to just figure out the next step (what I REALLY want to do), but not knowing where I am going. I mean it this time.
However, today was the one step back the masses speak about. I had a real hard day. I felt as though the entire day was a swim in the deep water when my arms and legs were so very weary. I wanted someone to jump in and drag me to the side and swim for me. Only thing is, I am the only one who could swim in these particular situations.
The deal is, today a lot of things I had pushed aside and “ignored” came to a head. I realized I have been neglecting my job.
I have always had a wonderful work ethic. I show up early, I give it my all, and I enjoy actualizing myself through employment. I haven’t had a good work ethic lately. I have been ignoring situations in my job and I feel I am getting a bad reputation. How did this happen? I love the kids. I love going to the different schools. I enjoy feeling like I know a thing or two about the things I am talking about. They are the subjects that mean a lot to me. I spent a good amount of time learning as much as I could about them. Why am I not doing the best job I can? I don’t know. I just don’t feel as focused as I did when I first started.
Right now, I miss my old job. I miss St. John’s a lot. I miss interacting with the patients. I miss feeling like I was important to somebody at work. I don’t feel as important in this job at Wellstar. I feel like I am not the right person for the job. I enjoy it as a health worker, but I feel as though I may not be the teacher type.
1. I always end up using big words that elementary school students don’t understand. But it is as though I can’t come up with simpler ones. Is that weird or what? I don’t expect the kids to know what these large, multi-syllable words mean. I just can’t figure out how to answer their questions without saying words that get me blank looks.
2. I don’t how to sternly tell the kids to be quiet or stop telling me stories so I can get on with my presentation. Many of my really close friends (I am talking Melissa, Marc, and Rhi) know that I am not the most tactful person in the world. I know what I want to say and the only way I know to say it is straight out with no regard for the appropriate wording. Actually, more people know, these particular people have learned to laugh about it and not get offended like most other people do. Therefore, I don’t want to come across harshly and scar their little hearts with my words.
3. My heart warms so much to listen to their cute little voices, on their cute little faces. They are so darling. I guess I listen too much because that is apparently not what to do. How boring would it be to not have my quotes of the day from them? They come up with the greatest information ever.
I guess the deal is I love the job a lot, I just wonder if it is the fit for me. What else am I gonna do until nursing school starts? Oh, the faster that comes on the better. I am SO ready.
I have a lot of back pedaling/impressing to do. I just don’t really know how to do it.
Part of me feels as though being recently married (not as easy as one might think) and moving (ya, I am still pulling that card. I am still very uncomfortable) and going to school is enough. The job thing deserves to be pushed aside right now.
Oh, *sigh* I want to go home…
Myrtle Beach
March 4, 2008
I am back from our South Carolina Spring Break vacation. If you are a facebook friend of mine, see the album I have put together. Here is a teaser: Palm Trees
Found this interesting…
January 12, 2008
 |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| What’s your theological worldview? created with QuizFarm.com |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| You scored as Emergent/Postmodern
You are Emergent/Postmodern in your theology. You feel alienated from older forms of church, you don’t think they connect to modern culture very well. No one knows the whole truth about God, and we have much to learn from each other, and so learning takes place in dialogue. Evangelism should take place in relationships rather than through crusades and altar-calls. People are interested in spirituality and want to ask questions, so the church should help them to do this.
|
The Not-so-awkward-anymore, catch me up, more cheery post
December 29, 2007
Dear faithful blog checkers,
Your recent eager visits to my website have gone unrewarded, as a post has not been made in almost 2 months. You can thank my mother for alerting me of this catastrophic mismanagement of valued blog opportunity. I am sorry I have ignored you so.
Therefore, I am here to lighten your spirits and show my appreciation for your devotion.
So, hello there friends and family. I am determined to make this a more cheery post and not a sad, downer of a post that leaves you thinking I am weeping in my hankerchief for two months before I return.
I am not awkward anymore. I actually do have more funs with the kids than I thought I would. They really get involved and say funny things. The best was the girl who randomly raised her hand and exclaimed, “My dog has fleas” matter-of-factly, as though it actually pertained to the topic in discussion. Very funny.
Now, I will answer the burning question on every tongue from Kansas to Georgia…
“So…How do you like Georgia/the ATL/Atlanta/A-town/the big city/the south?”
Well, my curious friends, I usually answer this questions with an awkward description of something that is not quite as bad as it could have been, even though my insides are screaming “please don’t ask me that dreaded question! I am not prepared. I hate it. Why must you make me squirm?” Now I have a Pro/Con list. This is how I like Georgia itself.
Also, the 0-10 weight on my determination of likability or unlikability, as the case may be.
Pro:
Warmer (9)
Baskin Robbins (8)
Cool Apartment (6)
Decent Job w/ good pay (4)
Good Nursing school (8)
Helps Brandon’s goals (9)
Con:
Far from home (aka Mom, Dad, Melissa, Marc, Erin, Jai, etc.(Holla!)) (10)
TRAFFIC (9)
Too many damn people everywhere (9)
Street design is based off of someone’s plate of spaghetti that lost their poor meatball (8)
No Maurices or reliable Sonics (5)
Debt building tempations (8)
Not too many bright people (7)
There you have it. I can’t think of them all because I am tired. Therefore, I will deliver a potentially empty promise to update as new ones come in…to my head. As you can see, not all bad at all, but I am not exactly whistling the state song on my way to the peach tree.
I am officially starting to take science electives to go back and get a 2nd bachelor’s in Nursing. I will be taking Anatomy & Physiology and Chemistry in Spring 2008 (1/7/08) and Microbiology in the Summer of 2008. Then, I will be applying to enter in the Summer of 2009 and be done at the end of Summer 2010. I will be extremely busy, but I have a good man and nothing but time on my side. I am extremely excited about this. I might not act like it if you bring it up though. I am mostly afraid of being judged for taking so much schooing to find my way. Oh, well. I am very educated, that IS for sure. We are addicted to school.
I can’t think of any other big news except that Brandon is starting his Master’s degree in the Spring in Computer Science. We are going to be in the same building! I find that pretty cool.
I am counting down to August of 2010, when a lot of this will be behind us. I hope all is well with so many people right now. Hope you had a Merry Christmas and happy New Year.
Awkward
November 5, 2007
Went to a potluck tonight for the cell group from our church. It is a young, married couple group for post-graduates. Sounds like us. Some people find these kind of things easy. I enjoy TRYING to make these things seem easy. I am no social butterfly. I feel like an agorophobic getting out for the first time in months. Well, essentially I am. We have been home for 3 hours and I am still nervous from the whole thing. I am going back over things I said. Did I say anything stupid? What do these people think of me? Can they see my awkwardness, or did I play it pretty cool? Will I always feel this awkward? Am I as different as I feel like?
I want to embrace my uniqueness but I still feel completely awkward around people. Everytime I tell people about my struggle with overcoming shyness, they shrug it off and say it goes away with time. I have believed them, but I still felt just as shy tonight as I did on my first week of kindergarten. I would think I would have come a little ways in 22 years.
To add to this, I have my first independent teaching of nutrition to two classes of 8th graders on Wednesday. Right now I feel like popping out of my skin. As if the last 3 months haven’t been enough, I am being stretched even further. Damn I am sick of this. When does this get easier?
I feel like my foundation of self-esteem has been ripped right out from under me. I am on my butt trying to get up even though my butt is pretty sore. I get up to my knees only to realize the pain is too excruciating so I fall to my back. I rest, attempt to get up again only to realize the pain is still there. So, I sit wondering why my ass hurts so much and who to blame for it. An angry surge causes me to attempt to overcome all the pain and prevail. Go Erin Go! You can do it! THUD…
28
October 16, 2007
Today is my birthday. There is a lot going on and not so much. I have started my per diem job and it is not going to be near enough distraction to keep me from my worries. Not much can be. I seem to have a lot on my mind these days.
I feel so discouraged that I don’t know what to do about my educational goals. The program at Missouri State was crap. Even if I finish it, it was crap. I would not have learned anything if it weren’t for my internship at St. John’s. I didn’t get out of it what I put into it. I had no guidance and now I am surrounded by perfectly good schools that could meet my needs. The only problem is I already have $33,000 of loans racked up ($18,000 for grad school already). The loan people are already after me for money and I don’t feel like I have anything to show. I wish I would had done something different altogether from the start. I don’t feel like I can start over. They don’t give help to my types. I am far too old, white, and married to get any financial assistance.
I would feel like the whole Missouri State thing was a waste of time and money completely, if it wasn’t for how wonderful things turned out from the very day I started down the venture. I got out of my hometown (against my thoughts of it happening), I met Brandon (again, against all hope), and I had a great couple years. I had a fabulous job and came into contact with a town that I found very appealing.
We have been in Georgia for 2.5 months. I don’t think the Missouri State thing will happen. I really want to move on with my life. I just don’t feel qualified. I am thinking about taking some classes at Kennesaw State University to make me feel better prepared. I want to take Anatomy & Physiology, Biology, and Chemisty. I have thought about going to nursing school (should have started with that), but I need these classes plus Microbiology and maybe General Psychology. Yeah, I took psych long enough ago that by the time I get these prereqs, it will be too long ago. Weird. I have taken Developmental Psych in 2004. I don’t know. I am just so discouraged.
I felt so led to the program now I feel completely without hope of finishing. I am at an empass
Also, my Great-Grandmother passed away Sunday night. She was 101 years old. I am so fortunate to be 28 years old and experiencing death of a family member for the first time. I have so many memories flooding back to me about her. Mom was real close to her. I have heard many stories of how perceptive she was and how she was feisty too. I just love those stories. I am so fortunate to have known her to pass those stories on. She was a sweet lady. She said she missed her husband, Leonard, everyday. She wanted to be with him again.
This is a real relief of sorts for our family. We had been worrying about her for a while. I have been thinkin about mortality in weird ways lately. I just think of how I would miss people if something happened to them. I feel strongly about getting Advanced Directives written up.
On more positive topics, I have had a rather elongated birthday. It really began Thursday evening when Brandon and I flew back to Kansas for a very relaxing, long weekend visit. We had thought of traveling the east coast a little, but I was missing my family and friends something fierce. So we went back to P-burg. I loved it. I shopped rode horses, relaxed, and hung out with Mom, Dad, Melissa, and Marc. I haven’t relaxed to that calliber since…well, the last time I was there in July. I miss back home so much. We had a little party for me on Saturday evening. My brother, David, and Micheala (Staci’s daughter) came down to go to the horses and eat with us. We had my favorite meal of tender Roast Beef, Mushroom/Sour Cream gravy, homemade bread, and salad. Also, my favorite cake-Angel Food w/ Chocolate Chip ice cream!!! My stomach was soooo happy! The entire cake was gone in less than 2 hours. We flew back on Sunday after picking up some Del Rio cheese dip (hint for recipe Mom).
Yesterday was a pretty rough day. I got the news of Grandma Koon’s passing and had a 2 hour training session for my Lifestyle teaching. Not in that order. I came home from work and Brandon was home. I was not really that alerted because he could have been home for many reasons in my mind (coworker ticked him off, working from home, lunch, forgot something, got fired 
). Then he told me the news. I wasn’t so surprised because she had been in failing health for a while. We then went shopping. I was pretty tired from the trip and upset from my family’s heartache. I couldn’t nap as well as Brandon. I finally got to sleep lastnight.
This brings me to today. I slept until 11:30am! Then, I hung around and did absolutely nothing. Every once in a while I would think to do something, then I would stop myself and do nothing. I got around to taking a shower around 4:30pm. Then, Brandon came home and we went to Macaroni Grill. The best part was dessert! Brandon had gone to Baskin Robbins, got an ice cream cake, and delivered it to Macaroni Grill to come out for dessert. I was impressed that Macaroni Grill would have a cake with my name on it. Then I realized when I cut into it, it was ice cream cake. I was super duper impressed!! Brandon had managed to surprise me despite me being a hinting maniac. I thought I knew what was going to happen. Nope, he did it again. I had underestimated him…again. He just doesn’t manage this very easy. I am pretty keen. I usually catch him in the act of trying to surprise me. He has to really want it. That was so great because I LOVE surprises! He is so good to me.
Well, I have Yoga Flow tomorrow morning. I need to get to bed so I can get up for it. You made it!
Kids, this your Lifestyle Educator, Erin
September 24, 2007
That is right! I am employed by Wellstar Healthsytem of North Atlanta. I will be giving 45-minute presentations to 6th-8th graders on Nutrition and Increasing Activity. I will also be able to potentially talk about various health behaviors to k-5th graders too.
Also, it gets my foot in the door at a very large health organization. I will be in a very similar department (Corporate & Community Health) that I was in a St. John’s. I am extremely excited! The hours are per diem but there is so much opportunity for me to cross train into. I can’t wait to start. I am going to HR tomorrow.
The best part is that it is a grown up job! Yea!
Who said girls are less logical?
September 17, 2007
|
You Are Incredibly Logical |
 Move over Spock – you’re the new master of logic You think rationally, clearly, and quickly. A seasoned problem solver, your mind is like a computer! |